


A Moment of Vulnerability

by Junker



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13978032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junker/pseuds/Junker
Summary: Before the assault on the Collector Base, Shepard asks Miranda to sit with her for a moment. Miranda isn't sure what to do when she realizes Shepard's hands are shaking.





	A Moment of Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inquisitor_tohru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitor_tohru/gifts).



> A quick treat for inquisitor_tohru! I loved your prompt for them (and I mean I love Femshep/Miranda too) so I gave it a shot!! I hope you like it!

“We drop everything and go after the crew,” Shepard said.

There was only a single beat of silence before Miranda replied, “Of course, Commander.”

Joker stood up and said, “I’ll get us moving,” and left.

Jacob nodded to Shepard and said, “I’ll get the squad ready to take over some of the crew’s posts.” He gestured to Miranda and continued, “We’ve made some predictions for what we need to focus on once we get through the relay – shields, weapons, and so on – and I’ll sort everyone out based on their strengths.”

Shepard nodded, and Jacob excused himself. Shepard bit her lower lip. It wasn’t like Shepard to not thank or at least comment on the work they were doing. It was even less like her to not say anything encouraging. Miranda openly watched her for a moment and realized Shepard’s hands were shaking.

Miranda wasn’t sure what to do. She wanted to ignore it. Shepard had always held herself together before, and a few moments of shaking hands likely didn’t signify a collapse on the horizon. And Miranda knew if it was happening to her, she’d want the other person to ignore it. She’d just need a few moments to herself and would be fine again,

When Miranda started to walk away, Shepard lightly gripped her wrist before pulling her hand away. “Miranda – I – could you just wait a moment with me?”

Miranda nodded and sat down with her. She turned her chair to face Shepard, and Shepard clenched her hands into the fabric of her pants before releasing it. Miranda tried to think of a pep talk, but all she could think of was “Keep it together,” so she held her tongue. 

“I can’t lose anyone else,” Shepard said, firmly. “And the Normandy crew didn’t sign up for this.”

“Commander, they were all prepared to go through the Omega-4 Relay knowing that it may be a one-way trip,” Miranda said. “They all knew they might not make it back alive-“

Shepard wasn’t looking at Miranda when she asked, “But being dragged screaming off the ship by Collectors? Were they prepared for that?” 

“Yes,” Miranda said. “There’s also a very real possibility of starving to death on the ship.”

Shepard’s eyes darted to Miranda and widened. Miranda tensed up. She wasn’t helping. She swallowed and said, “We’re going to get them back, Shepard.”

Miranda bit her tongue and half-expected Shepard to reply, “So we can all starve to death together,” but instead Shepard’s eyes just burrowed into her own. Miranda had worked on Shepard for so long – her eyes were one of the few things about her she wasn’t used to. She’d watched more than enough Alliance footage to have a good grasp of her personality – something the Illusive Man had her monitoring for any “irregularities” – but her eyes had never been quite so alive until Shepard was conscious.

And the way they watched her now, it was strange to see fear there. 

Shepard showed her a sliver of vulnerability. Miranda hadn’t seen that before in her. Even when Shepard lay mostly dead on her table, even when Miranda had the ability to put a control chip in her brain, Shepard never really seemed helpless. It was strange to have so much control over a person and still feel like their strength would outweigh your own.

Even now with Shepard consciousness, Miranda still felt like Shepard had a sort of control over her. When Miranda opened up to Shepard about her past, Shepard let her talk and asked a few questions. Shepard watched her eyes and not her body. Somehow she felt naked and exposed even though Shepard’s eyes didn’t undress her in the way she was used to from other people. And she liked it. She liked that Shepard made her feel, well, anything at all. Shepard wasn’t condescending or rude towards her, and she liked Shepard carefully trying to get to know her. Shepard had begun to know her so well that Shepard just needed to give her a look to make her feel vulnerable, and Miranda didn’t mind. It was almost nice having someone see her so clearly.

It occurred to Miranda that what she said now could completely change Shepard. She could tell her that the lives of the crew didn’t matter, to encourage her focus on destroying the Collectors completely before even thinking about the Normandy crew. She could criticize Shepard openly for prioritizing their lives over the mission which threatened all of humanity. She could point her in the direction of becoming the mindless, obedient soldier that Miranda had wanted her to be.

But Miranda didn’t want that now. She didn’t want Shepard to be any different. And somehow even Shepard’s weakness seemed like a strength. Miranda gently squeezed Shepard’s arm. Firmer than before, she repeated, “We’re going to get them back.”

Shepard swallowed and nodded, the words finally settling inside of her. Miranda admired Shepard in that moment. She knew she wouldn’t have been able to admit to anyone that she needed a moment. Miranda was even a little touched that Shepard had been willing to show that part of her to her.

Shepard’s eyes warmed, filling with a determination Miranda was used to, and they watched Miranda’s eyes. Shepard lightly brushed a few stray strands of hair away from Miranda’s forehead. Miranda held her breath. There were always moments like this. Light touches exchanged between them. A hand on an arm. A light touch to the small of a back. One time Shepard gently moved Miranda aside with her hands on her hips. Another time Miranda lightly twined her fingers in with Shepard’s for a brief moment as they passed each other in a hallway. They didn’t speak of what it meant. They both just knew each other’s feelings and put them aside more often than not.

Shepard tilted her head ever-so-slightly as she continued to watch Miranda. “Thanks,” Shepard said.

Miranda nodded. “I,” she hesitated as she searched for the words. “I can’t say I understand it, but I appreciate that you came to me with this.”

Shepard smiled, and Miranda laughed softly at the sight of it. To receive a smile at such a perilous time felt like a precious gift. She felt jealous for enjoying it so much. “You know why I came to you,” Shepard said.

Miranda shook her head, and she found Shepard’s hand on her cheek. She couldn’t help but watch Shepard’s lips as she replied, “I really don’t.”

Shepard’s smile faded some, and Miranda leaned into her hand. She loved Shepard’s warm, calloused touch. “Neither of us can show any weakness. We’re holding the ones holding this ship together,” Shepard said. “No one else can see me like this, but you understand that sometimes you can’t just bottle it all in.”

Miranda’s eyes widened. She supposed she never really admitted to herself that she was venting to Shepard to keep from bottling everything up. She revealed her past, she showed her weaknesses and trusted her with them. Somehow she even felt safer, as if every reveal to Shepard meant both of their walls now protected her secrets and insecurities.

Shepard leaned her forehead against Miranda’s. It was the closest they’d ever been. Miranda wrapped her arms around Shepard, encircling her. Miranda’s first thought of “Keep it together,” was wrong. She knew it now. Miranda was more determined than ever to get the crew back.

“Shepard, you don’t have to hide your doubts and fears from the rest of us. I – the squad – we all love you. If you’re scared, we’ll be your courage. You don’t have to stuff down your emotions for us.”

Shepard smiled softly. Her eyes watched Miranda’s. Miranda loved the feeling of Shepard in her arms. It was odd, most of her fantasies had Shepard holding her instead, but now that it was happening, she was happy to be Shepard’s support. Shepard said, “You know you don’t have to hide either.”

Miranda nodded and said, “Well, we’re both still learning.”

Shepard grinned. “You’re not wrong.”

Shepard exhaled, and Miranda loosened her grip on her. “Are you going to be okay?” Miranda asked.

“Yeah,” Shepard said.

The pair parted, and Miranda said, “I’ll check in on Jacob’s progress and meet you on the bridge.”

“Sounds good,” Shepard said.

Miranda started to walk away, but Shepard said, “Miranda?”

“Yes Shepard?”

“If we survive this – when we survive this – could I take you on a date?”

Miranda smiled and tried to hide her giddiness. “Yes, yes of course, Commander.”

“What would you want to do?” Shepard asked.

Miranda laughed as she replied, “Honestly, I have no idea.”

Her laughter spilled into Shepard, and Shepard replied, “We’ll decide together after then.”

Miranda nodded. “Sounds perfect, Commander.”

The pair exchanged shy smiles as Miranda left, and Miranda compartmentalized that image of Shepard – shy and excited. She exhaled once to clear her mind and build up a few walls to focus completely on the task at hand.

**Author's Note:**

> (Since the authors are revealed, I'm slapping up my links!)
> 
> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JunkerFics) • [Tumblr](https://junkerfics.tumblr.com/) • [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/Junker) • 


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